last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
