she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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