After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
