apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
