I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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