I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
