Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
