First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
