that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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