Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
