There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
