We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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