About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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