for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
