This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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