Cold hands, warm shart.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
