All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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