so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
