dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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