i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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