So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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