No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Vodka?
Forever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
