I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
