I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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