I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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