The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
