Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
