I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
