they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
