Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
