The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
