i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
