Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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