I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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