i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
