What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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