dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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