he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
