Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My penis needs a shock collar
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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