Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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