i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
