K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
