my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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