someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
