So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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