i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
