i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
