Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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