to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
