Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
